yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
