tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i think i just naturally attract stoners
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
