it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
