God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
