she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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