I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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