just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
