I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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