Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
