this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
