Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
