is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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