They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
