Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
