So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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