so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my being single is dangerous.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize