My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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