I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
