Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
