Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
