I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
