Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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