the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
