Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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