honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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