eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
