If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
