There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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