I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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