Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
