feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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