Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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