I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
