Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
