if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize