He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
