The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
