it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
