i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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