the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize