i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
NoShamevember. You game?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
