I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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