he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
