When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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