Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
