I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize