CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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