Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
