i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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