I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
