I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
