i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
