My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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