Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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