Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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