I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
