I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
