Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she smelled like a LAN party
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my shit smells like andre
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize