sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
