the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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