and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
