a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize