I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
