..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
