he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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