if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just cropdusted the office
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
