I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
PANTIES FOUND
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