i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
