he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
