Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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