My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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