I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
