And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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