he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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