Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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