You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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