I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The Olympian is in my bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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