I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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