Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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