More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
