if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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