you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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