So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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