you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
