Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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