In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She bit a glass in half.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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