I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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