I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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