Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
