Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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