I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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