Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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