I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
