There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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