I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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