i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
did you just send me my own nude
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We smell like vodka and hangover
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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