I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize