The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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