I'm really into asian looking animals
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
