You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
