"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
